Social Media Strategy Lasagne Recipe


This is a dish which satisfies every time – even the fussiest of executives will be back at the table asking for more. While it’s easy enough today to buy pre-made social media strategy lasagne from any agency, it’ll never taste as good and perform as well as a homemade one. Enjoy!


Preheat your oven – ensure you have a consistent flow of energy to last the full cooking time, otherwise your lasagne will not hold together.

In a large mixing bowl add 2-3 fresh social media strategic objectives – you’ll find these in all good organisations, or just ask your local senior management team to order some in for you. Then slowly mix in at least as many measurable goals as you have objectives. Don’t let the objectives and the measurable goals split – if this happens discard and start over.

Add 2 cups of senior management buy-in, 1 cup of stakeholder engagement, 3 tablespoons of branding and 500ml of high quality social media training (for best results I recommend NET:101, available in most Australian capital cities, but you can use a lesser substitute). Mix together throughly by hand and set to one side.

In a non-metallic social media platform add layers of original content – I often use an even mix of educational, enlightening and entertaining, but it’s up you. If including sales propositions do so sparingly as their bitterness is not to most people’s taste. If you are running short of original content you can top up with curated content, easily available online with a bit of sifting.

Between each content layer add a few calls-to-action (often sold as ‘CTA’s’ in most supermarkets). Why not throw an extra telephone number in for fun – it’s one of those classic CTA’s that goes well with everything.

Pour the mixture over your layered content, sprinkle with some well-written titles and bake on a low, yet consistent heat for several months. Test every week or so with an analytics skewer. When ready, serve with a side of fresh personality and a fine bottle of organisational transparency.

If you have leftovers, freeze in portions and reheat for internal meetings or conference presentations.

Dear Little Miss Social…


Dear Little Miss Social

I own a small, established vintage clothing boutique in Melbourne and have heard that social media might be helpful for my business. I also have a young niece who is studying an Arts degree and is keen to take over the full control of my social media responsibilities in her spare time. She’s smart and spends most of the day on Facebook already, so I think it might be a good fit. What are your thoughts?

Yours Sincerely,
Jessica Francis
Melbourne, Victoria

Dear Gentle Reader

Let a person under the age of 30 loose on your social media? What a frightful thought! Little Miss Social would never countenance it. As dear Mr. Wilde once quipped, “I am not young enough to know everything.”

No, no, no, the social media for your business is too important a responsibility to be handled by anybody but yourself. What’s demanded is a seasoned and steady hand at the tiller. It’s still business as usual you know.

It’s easy to forget the ‘social’ in ‘social media’. This is a milieu which operates on human behavioural insight, drawn-out courtships, intelligence, wit and a healthy appreciation of the double-entendre.

It is you who must drive this initiative. How ever would your niece – as charming a girl as I’m sure she is – manage the process of discoursing with customers? What missives would she post? Little Miss Social sees too much flotsam in the streams already. How ever would she respond to a line of question or possess the mental dexterity to intercept and blunt the arrow of a customer complaint?

Conversation Gentle Reader – social media is the art of conversation. Does she write with aplomb? Could she be relied upon to furnish the appropriate rejoinder in a social media conversation thread? I think not. How could she?

Or at the very least does she possess a deep working knowledge of your wares, your vintage beauties? Would she be able to discuss upon them with confidence and authority, or would she merely peddle them with the brashness of a camel trader at a market bizarre?

No, Gentle Reader – we want you. It must be you. Pray, who else?

Yours in Social,
Little Miss Social

Common Social Media Behaviour Defined


Affinity Crush: When one unconditionally likes or favours 100% of the posts from another person’s social media account.

Alien Contact: Accepting the invitation of a person on LinkedIn whom you’ve never met, heard of, and comes from a country you never knew existed.

Autostroking: To deliberately like or endorse one’s own social media posts.

Calc Spam: A minor mathematical quiz posted to ‘test if you’re a genius’ to incite engagement and go viral (see Heart Spam).

Chirping: To like or share a post which includes a link to an article without first reading the article, esp. on Twitter.

Diet Spam: A hacked social media account which publishes a continuous stream of links to discount weight-loss products.

Echo Bunny: A person who has more than one active LinkedIn account.

Face Crawling: Begging for Facebook likes, online or offline.

Face-Earther: Categorically refusing to pay (boost) to increase the reach of one’s brand page posts on Facebook.

Falsegram: An image posted through Instagram which has been photoshopped.

Friend Spam: When everyone on a person’s contact list is automatically spammed by a new online networking service they recently signed up to.

Glass-Eye Account:  A social media account opened up under a pseudonym to follow and monitor the posts of one’s ex-partner.

Glory Pic: A personal profile picture which was taken five or more years ago.

Hash Job: Using hashtags within a social media channel where they are not supported, e.g. LinkedIn.

Hash-Browning: The excessive use of hashtags within a single post.

Hazed: A social media post which contains numerous spelling and/or grammatical mistakes as the result of the poster being heavily under the influence of alcohol.

Heart Spam: A saccharine-laden inspirational quote or sentiment posted to incite engagement and go viral (see Calc Spam).

Metapals: Social media connections that have never personally met.

Moment Shifting: To post or repost pictures through social media from a long past holiday.

Mort Posts: Pre-scheduled updates from an individual which continue to be posted after their untimely death.

Pixel Pie: An image posted through a social media channel with incorrect dimensions, rendering the image partially obscured, distorted or shrunken on people’s newsfeeds.

Sock Pic: A fake profile picture being passed off as one’s own.

Tubeworm: A person who posts an incomprehensible rant on a YouTube video and then systematically abuses everyone else who has also posted a comment.

Undorsing: To unlike or unfavour a post after liking or favouriting it.

Vaporing: To deliberately delete one’s own controversial social media post as a crisis escalates around said post.

Wallflower: A person who regularly consumes the social media of others but never posts.

Walled: The act of forgetting the login credentials to a social media account and not being able to retrieve them.

Youturn: To follow another person on social media with the intention of unfollowing them once they have you followed back, esp. on Twitter.

Zepplin: A social media post with zero engagement.

Zipp: To hide or mute the social media posts of a connection while still remaining connected to them.

Zoombie: A branded social media account or blog where the most recent post is dated from six or more months ago.

About your LinkedIn profile pic…


LinkedIn is a network of professionals. You’re a professional. You need to look the part. These types of profile pics just don’t make the grade:

The Placeholder
No image at all. Faceless. Unrecognisable. Lazy.

The Full Body
A little bit fancy, but when rendered as a 50 X 50 thumbnail against your status updates and posts I can’t make out your face.

The Fam
It’s the whole family (inc. your dog). Lovely, but way too much back-story.

The Person of Action
So that’s you trekking in the Himalayas/ skydiving/ competing in a half-marathon – and your point is…?

The Party Girl/ Guy
You love to party, and here you are just a little bit pissed (we can tell that by the way you’re neck-clutching that bottle of Moet).

The Selfie

The I’m-So-Sexy
Well, that certainly is a VAST AMOUNT of cleavage.

The Fancy Dress
You’re dressed as a zombie and that scares me. You’re in a tuxedo and that scares me even more.

The Younger You
You from 10+ years ago – fine if you’re not planning on ever meeting anyone in person.

Assumptions About Entering Social Media Professionally


If you want to be a social media marketer or work in a role with social media responsibilities don’t let these assumptions stop you:

You need to be young
No, you need a deep and wide experience about how things work in your chosen industry sector. And what makes people tick. And life generally.

You need to forget everything you learnt about marketing and business
No, those core principles apply more than ever: know your market, know your customer, build credibility, engender trust, forge meaningful relationships.

Your need to be technical
No, you need to be articulate and creative and a producer/ publisher of media which is valued by others.

You need permission to start
No, give yourself permission. Start now.

You need to be in a job before you can start applying your knowledge and the theory
No, you need a live project to work on, any project – give yourself invaluable hands-on learning with a focus. Pick a hobby, a cause, help a friend’s business, anything. See above point.

You need to have worked in social media already to get a social media role
No, past job-titles and polished CV’s count for little in this space. Show us what you’ve already created and what you’re currently working on. Starting decking-out your online portfolio. See above 2 points.

You need money
No, you need time. Time is the new money. Watch less TV.

You need to be big to get noticed
No, you need to find and develop your niche. Quality trumps quantity. Find your groove-thing and own it.

You need to know what you’re doing
No, you need to constantly experiment and fail and learn and work it out on the fly like the rest of us.

You need to be very serious